


Burn me with the Sun.

by MargotSails



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Depression, Emotional Baggage, F/F, No Ryan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:01:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26396809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MargotSails/pseuds/MargotSails
Summary: Charity messes up and ends up back in prison. She pushes Vanessa away. But when she returns two years later Vanessa is the only one that picks up on there being something wrong.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 35
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started this last year sometime. But lost my muse so to speak. But I've picked it back up. So the timeline is not even with the show. I mean it doesn't really matter its basically an AU. I just wanted to point it out. Also, Ryan doesn't exist in this world.

Moses and Johnny run full speed ahead in front of Vanessa, toward the pub. Its Wednesday and that’s her day to have Moses.  She had worked out a deal with Ross and Debbie who had taken on the responsibility of Moses after Charity  was sentenced and sent to prison . In actuality, she got him a lot more often than that, but Wednesday was her day.

The boys had decided they wanted their tea at the pub. And she was down for anything that keeps her from cooking. They stop at the door waiting for her to catch up. She opens the door and they dart through. She smiles and shakes her head. They’re already sitting in their usual booth by the time she catches up to them.

There’s no one behind the bar, which is unusual. She’s entertaining the boys when Chas finally comes in from the back. She looks harried and freezes when she sees Vanessa. 

It’s enough to make her stand up and make her way to the bar, “Has something happened?” Vanessa asks, even though the answer is obvious.

Chas sighs and leans closer to her, “It’s not bad per se, but I don’t think you’re going to like it, love.”

Vanessa frowns, “Me? What does it have to do with me?”

“We had a visitor  just now,” Chas hesitates.

“And?” Vanessa tries to hurry her along.

“It was Charity.”

“Charity? Charity was here?” Nobody has seen or heard from Charity in two and a half years.  The pub had gone through a rough spot and Vanessa had  been injured and wasn’t able to work at around the same time and money had gotten tight . 

Charity had taken it upon herself to get involved with an old acquaintance in a scheme involving stolen cars . She had kept it from Vanessa, so it had been a shock when two officers had shown up at their house and arrested Charity. Her “partner in crime” had taken a deal and thrown Charity under the bus.

Knowing there was very little chance she was getting off, Charity had in her words, “set Vanessa free,” wanting her to find someone who deserved her . She knew it had been guilt talking. And then Charity had refused to let any of the family visit her the whole time she  was locked up. Vanessa figured it was her own sadistic way to punish herself for messing up when she had been doing so well.

“Are you OK?” Chas’s voice brings her out of her thoughts.

“Why was she here?” Vanessa’s mind is spinning. She had expected this to happen  eventually . But she was wholly unprepared. 

“She wanted me to let her work here.”

“That means she’s moving back to the village.”

Chas shrugs, “I don’t know. She  just wanted the job. She was pretty desperate. Said she would do a trial period. I couldn’t turn her down,” she gestures to her pregnant belly. “Not with this one about to pop out.” 

Vanessa nods, it makes sense, “Did she seem OK?”

“She seemed a bit off. Said she’s been out about a month and no one will hire her,” she smiles and shakes her head. “She cried when she saw my belly. She asked about you and Johnny. Was pleased when I said you two were still part of the family.”

Vanessa’s overwhelmed, but the sound of the boys starting to complain distracts her. She decides to put thoughts of Charity Dingle out of her head and enjoy the rest of her night.

A couple of days later Vanessa is aching for a pint. Rhona and herself have been out on calls for most of the day without a break and have decided to stop at the pub.

Their deep in conversation and don’t immediately realize who’s behind the bar. But Vanessa stops short when she comes face to face with Charity.

“I take it no one told you I was working today,” are Charity’s first words.

“No, they didn’t.”

Charity nods, “Well you’re here now. What can I get you?”

They place their orders and retreat to a table. Its surreal being in Charity’s presence again. She looks the same but also different. She’s thin and pale. Her hair is long and untamed, closer to how it had been when they first got together. Before Charity always looked put together. But today she’s wearing jeans that are at least a size too big. A denim shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the top buttons undone and a pair of flat brown boots. Before Charity always seemed to fill a room, even when she wasn’t trying for attention. But this woman fades into the woodwork. She seems like a shadow of the person Vanessa had fallen in love with.

“Do you want to leave?” Rhona asks.

“No, I need to get used to seeing her,” she watches Charity working. It used to be one of her favorite things to do. Charity was always so animated, whether she was happy or sad, definitely angry. But now everything is automatic. Her expression  barely changes, she  barely smiles. It breaks Vanessa’s heart.

Over the next couple of days, Vanessa doesn’t make it to the Woolpack but still manages to see Charity in the village. Once outside the cafe sitting at a table with Debbie. And a couple of times doing mundane things. According to the gossip mill, she’s shacked up with some bloke in Leeds, but she hasn’t seen any evidence to that.

“Are you ready? Dad’s already there.”

Tracy and Vanessa are on their way to meet their dad and Megan at the pub. She’s pretty sure they had chosen the Woolpack to throw the fact they’re married now in Charity’s face.

“Are you ready Johnny?” he smiles at her and runs to get his jacket. It's not particularly cold but he still wears his little yellow jacket.

He holds her hand and walks  calmly beside her, so much different than when Moses is there to rile him up. She’s not thinking and when they walk in Johnny stops in his tracks. His eyes  are trained on Charity.

The pub is quiet considering its quite full, everyone is talking amongst themselves.

“Why are we standing in the doorway?” her dad's voice sounds from behind them, she hears Tracy explain. 

“Charity,” Johnny’s little voice fills the pub. Charity whips around in their direction. 

He wrenches his hand from Vanessa and marches toward Charity, stopping right in front of her. She kneels in front of him, matching his serious expression. And she looks nervous. 

Johnny digs in his coat pocket and pulls something out holding it in his palm and showing it to Charity. Vanessa can’t see what it is from where she’s standing so she moves closer. 

It’s a little Paw Patrol figurine. She has no idea where he got it, but he’s obsessed with it, keeping it on him at all times and flipping out if he loses sight of it.

Charity smiles and reaches into the pocket of her jeans. She pulls out a matching figurine, holding it in her palm the same as Johnny. Johnny gasps and launches himself into Charity’s arms.

Charity lets out a delighted laugh as she holds him close, his face buried in her neck. “I knew you wouldn’t forget,” Johnny says when he finally pulls away. “Everyone keeps saying you don’t care about me or mummy no more. But I knew they were wrong.”

“I love you, buddy. Of course, I still care,” Charity wipes at her tears. 

“Then why did you leave?”

“Because I did something bad and I got punished for it.”

Vanessa  is surprised Charity doesn’t deflect the question.

“Like when I have to sit in the naughty chair?” he asks  innocently .

Charity chuckles, “Exactly like that.”

He starts playing with her hair, a habit he had picked up early in their relationship. “Does that mean you’re coming to live with us again.”

Vanessa starts to intervene but stops short when Charity starts to talk.

“I can’t OK. I hurt your mummy and made her sad, so I don’t get to be with her anymore.”

“You made mummy cry,” he says matter of  factly .

“I know I did and she doesn’t deserve that does she?”

“No. Like when Ben bit me on the arm. I didn’t deserve that so we’re not friends no more.”

Vanessa  is impressed with Johnny’s comprehension of the situation.

“That’s right. But  just because we don’t see each other as much doesn’t mean I love you any less OK,” Johnny nods. “And as long as we both have Rubble,” she holds up the figurine. “Then we’re both connected right?” Johnny grasps the figurine in his fist and smiles. He hugs Charity again and then toddles off to the booth the rest had gone to. Vanessa is still frozen in place. 

“Did I do OK?” Charity surprises her by asking.

“You did amazing actually,” she says  honestly .

Charity smiles and the looks down  shyly , “I’ll be over to take your order shortly.

It's only when she sits in the both that the noise in the pub picks back up. Disappointed there had been no drama.

It's not much longer before Charity is back. Her eyes are bloodshot and she’s wearing less makeup.

“I have to admit. I was hoping to never see you again,” Megan snarks immediately. “Can’t say anyone missed you.”

“I did,” Johnny pipes up.  Never glancing up from the picture he's coloring in a book Vanessa had brought to keep him entertained .

“Well, there you go. Johnny missed me. That’s pretty much all that matters, yeah,” Charity states  surprisingly non-confrontational. Megan looks almost disappointed. “So what are you having?”

They order their food and Charity goes off without another word. They spend the next hour eating and talking with Meagan and her dad taking potshots at Charity. Charity never rises to the bait. By either not speaking at all or interacting with Johnny. Vanessa’s pretty sure Charity tears up when Johnny hands her a colored page out of his book on their way out.

Its been about a week since the last time Vanessa has seen Charity. She’s been busy with different farm callouts and hasn’t been to the pub. The gossip mill is still going strong about Charity. Vanessa  was surprised to learn that the Dingles are refusing to let Charity see Mose. They had failed to mention anything to her.

She’s driving home when she spots a familiar head of blonde hair at a new pull off sitting at a picnic table. Without thinking about it she finds herself pulling over. Charity looks up when she comes to a stop and smiles when she sees Vanessa. 

“You’re  just in time,” Charity says when she steps out of the car. “I have too many chips,” she points to the food in front of her.

Vanessa sets on the bench in front of Charity. 

“I know if you’ve been on farms all day you haven’t eaten.” Charity continues moving the chips in the middle of them also passing her half of her sandwich. 

“You would be correct,” Vanessa says around the chips she  just crammed in her mouth.

“You’re not usually one for picnics,” Vanessa points out, digging into the offered meal.

“I’ve been spending quite a bit more time outside since I got out. It's nice to be able to do what I want when I want,” she pauses and chuckles. “Well until I’m working with Chas. She’s keeping me on a short leash.”

Vanessa laughs, “What’s it like to be back here?”

Charity shrugs, popping a chip in her mouth, “About like I expected. A lot of hostility, judging looks, and whispering. The usual rubbish.”

“Sounds rough.”

“I’m  just grateful for Chas giving me a chance,” she passes Vanessa the bottle of water beside her. “I’ve heard the vets are doing well. I’ve seen you with that new vet's assistant. You two are the talk of the village.”

Vanessa looks down and hates that she can feel herself blushing. Mary has been at the vet's for a couple of months. Everyone and their brother has been trying to get them to date. But in actuality, Mary is in love with her brother's wife. And unwilling to date, but they have a bit of a friend with benefits situation. It doesn’t happen often but Mary  was seen by Pearl leaving Tug Gyll. The news had spread through the village like wildfire. 

“It's not like that,” Vanessa admits. “We’re friends.”

“That blush says your a bit more than that,” Charity chuckles. “A fuck buddy situation I’m guessing.”

Vanessa sighs, “Yes it is. And nobody knows that so please keep it to yourself.”

“So it's OK for people to think your dating, but not fucking?” Charity looks amused.

“It's all a very strange situation. I’m not even sure she likes me. We  barely even talk. She’s very awkward.” 

“You’re using each other to scratch an itch so to speak?” she waggles her eyebrows up and down.

Vanessa laughs and then groans, “Ugh, I’m a horrible person.”

Charity laughs, “You’re two consenting adults getting off together. There’s ng with that, babe.”

Vanessa shakes her head, “What about you? Anyone in your life?” Her eyes widen, “I’m sorry. That’s not my business. You shouldn’t answer that.”

Charity smiles, “There was a couple of buddies,” she uses her finger in air quotes. “But as of now, there's no one.”

Vanessa nods, relieved at the words, even knowing she’s being a hypocrite. She jumps when her phone vibrates in her pocket, “That will be Rhona demanding to know where I am. I’m happy I ran into you.”

“Yeah, because I fed you,” Charity laughs. 

“That’s a big part of it,” Vanessa laughs. “But its good to talk to you.”

Charity smiles, “The feelings mutual.”

XXX

Vanessa finds herself driving back to the village for the third time in the same day. Its past midnight and she’s exhausted. There’s no traffic on the backroads. She hasn’t seen one car for the half an hour she’s been driving. So she’s surprised when her lights reflect off a car pulled to the side in a muddy pull off. As she gets closer she realizes that the car is actually Charity’s. It doesn't look like anyone is in the car but she pulls over anyway.

She pulls her jacket tight around her as she approaches the car. The nights have turned cold. She uses the light on her phone to shine into the car and can see the passenger seat  is reclined . She can’t make out anything else. She taps on the window and the car jostles as the person inside jerks awake. 

The car door opens and Charity gets out, “Jesus Vanessa, you scared the shit out of me?”

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa takes in Charity. She’s wearing what she was before. But now she has on two jackets and a blanket around her shoulders, “Why are you sleeping on the side of the road?”

“Because I’m tired,” is all she says.

Vanessa moves around Charity and shines her light into the car. It's filled with Charity’s belongings, “Are you living in here?”

Charity is leaning against the car looking down at her feet. She doesn’t say anything.

“Charity?” she moves in front of her. ‘Why are you living in your car” she puts a hand on Charity’s crossed arms.

“I stayed with a friend for a couple of weeks when I got out until I got my hands on a car,” she shrugs. “It works well enough.”

This worries Vanessa. Charity had always talked about how she would never not have a real bed. She would never sleep rough again. But here she is  willingly sleeping in her car on the side of a dark farm road. Charity’s standing against the car, shoulders slumped, head down. The fight and passion gone from her.

“Charity, look at me,” Vanessa says  softly . 

When Charity raises her head there are tears sparkling in her eyes. 

Without much thought, Vanessa pulls Charity into a hug. Which Charity returns, “I want you to follow me home. It's  just me and Tracy. You can have the extra room.” Charity opens her mouth to speak, “No arguing, You either drive or I bundle you in my car and we leave yours.”

Charity laughs, “I’d forgotten how bossy you are.”

Vanessa laughs and  is relieved when Charity doesn’t fight anymore and gets in her own car. 

The lights are still on when they reach Tug Gyll, meaning that Tracy was still awake. Most likely sprawled on the couch watching something on TV. 

Charity follows her in. When Tracy sees her behind Vanessa she frowns and starts to open her mouth. A stern look from Vanessa keeps her silent.

“Come on, I’ll get you some bedding,” she tells Charity over her shoulder. She stops by Johnny’s door. She can see him curled up in a tiny ball on the bed and hear his soft snores. When she steps back she sees the wistful look on Charity’s face. But when she realizes Vanessa is looking at her, she puts on an unemotional mask. 

Vanessa grabs the bedding from the closet in the hall and they work together to get everything set up. The silence from the other woman is unnerving. When they were together Charity was always surrounded by noise. Always bold, even when she wasn’t trying to be. 

But this Charity seems to be trying to hideaway. Trying to fade away, “Tell me why your living in your car,” Vanessa tries again.

“Why not?” Charity shrugs, smoothing wrinkles out of the duvet. “ Just waiting for it to be over,” Charity says  quietly . Vanessa almost misses it.

“For what to be over?”

Charity looks at her, her face blank, “Thank you for this, but I’m pretty tired.”

Vanessa wants to argue but doesn’t want to push her luck, “OK,” she nods. “Yell if you need anything. You’re welcome to anything in the house.”

Charity smiles a little, "Thanks.”

“What’s she doing here?” Tracy asks as soon as Vanessa reaches the bottom stair. She’s standing with her arms crossed.

“She needs to stay for a bit.”

“You don’t owe her anything V. She abandoned you remember.”

“There’s more to it than that,” Vanessa runs a tired hand over her face. “Please,  just deal with it. You don’t have to be nice to her or anything.”

“You’re not telling me something. Does she have you involved in something?”

Vanessa sighs, “No. Please  just trust me.”

Tracy rolls her eyes, “I  just hope you know what you’re doing.”

Vanessa is very certain she does not. But she knows Charity needs her.

The next morning when she goes to wake up Johnny his bed is empty. She doesn’t panic because she has a good idea of where he’ll be. The door to the room Charity is in  is cracked and she can hear soft voices. When she peeks inside Charity is sitting up against the headboard and Johnny  is curled up in her lap. They are having a quiet conversation. She can’t hear what they’re saying but Charity is smiling and when she looks up and the smile doesn’t leave her face.

“Mummy, Charity’s here,” Johnny says  excitedly when he sees her.

“I see that, but you need to get dressed young man. We’re already late,” Vanessa can’t help but smile at the matching looks of disappointment on their faces.

“But I want to stay with Charity,” Johnny leans into Charity.

She hugs him close, “I’ll still be here when you get home OK.”

Johnny gasps and smiles, eyes wide, “You will?”

“Yes. I’ll be waiting for you when you get home.”

They both laugh when Johnny lets out a loud whoop and rushes out of the room. But when he’s gone Charity’s eyes dim.

“I’ve missed him. And Moses,” she looks up eyes brimming with tears. “They won’t let me see him, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Vanessa admits.

Charity shakes her head and sighs before burrowing under her blankets. Vanessa has to stop herself from crawling on the bed to comfort Charity like she had done so many times before. She can hear sniffling and it breaks her heart.

She calls into work telling them she would be late and sets off on a mission. When she walks into the back of the pub she’s surprised to see most of the Dingles gathered around drinking tea.

“Hey love, want a brew?” Chas asks.

“No, ta. I do need to talk to you all about something,” she takes a deep breath and stills herself, “I know its not any of my business. But you need to let Charity see Moses,” she can tell from their faces that’s not what they were expecting.

“Why?” Debbie asks.

Vanessa sighs, “She’s not doing well.”

“I haven’t noticed anything,” Debbie’s frowning.

“The only thing I’ve noticed is she hasn’t been giving me lip,” Chas adds.

“Well you haven’t been looking hard enough,” Vanessa says with exasperation. She had noticed right away something was wrong. She’s not the least bit surprised that the Dingles are oblivious. When it comes to Charity they usually are.

“Please.  Just trust me,” Vanessa doesn’t want to give too much away. That’s for Charity to share if she so chooses. 

“What can it hurt?” Moira is the surprising voice of reason.

Debbie sighs, “Fine.”

They make plans for Vanessa to pick Moses up that afternoon.

“Do you think she would want to see me?” Noah asks as she’s about to walk out the back.

Vanessa’s heart hurts at the insecurity she hears in his tone, “Yes I know she does.”

He looks down shuffling his feet, “I was so mad at her for ruining everything again. Like she always does. But I miss her. And if she’s not OK. Then I should be there for her. Right?”

Vanessa can’t help but smile. Noah is turning into a mature young man and despite their rocky start, they’re very close. He texts her many times a day either to check on her or to talk about something that happened to him. They were still a family.

“You’re a good kid. You know that?” Vanessa laughs as he blushes. “She’s staying with me and Tracy. So come over whenever you’re ready OK.” 

Noah smiles and nods with determination. 

The rest of the day passes  quickly and Moses  is thrilled when he finds out he’s going home with Vanessa, “Hey guess what?” Vanessa asks Moses before she opens the door. “I have a surprise for you.”

Moses's eyes widen in excitement, “Surprise?”

She had texted Charity before to make sure she was home but hadn’t told her she was bringing Moses, “Yes. It's inside.” He’s  practically vibrating and she’s surprised that he keeps hold of her hand instead of running off. 

Charity head turns when they walk in at the same time that Moses gasps, “Mummy!” he squeals in excitement. And runs and jumps into her lap.

“Moses,” Charity whispers. She holds him close, her head on his. She looks up to Vanessa with tear-filled eyes and mouths a thank you.

About half an hour later Vanessa is cleaning the kitchen to give Moses and Charity time together. They're on the couch playing with some toys and having what sounds like a deep conversation.

The door opens  suddenly and she can hear Johnny’s voice. She turns and  is surprised to see Noah instead of Tracy who she was expecting.

“Tracy is going to the pub with Pete. I told her I would make sure he got home,” he runs a hand over Johnny’s head and makes him giggle. “Hey, mum.”

Charity stands as Moses and Johnny go off to play together, “You’re so grown up,” Charity’s voice breaks.

Noah smiles  crookedly , “You look older an all.”

“Oi,” Charity looks insulted.

Vanessa laughs but covers it with a cough when Charity turns in her direction  threateningly . But loses it when Noah bursts out laughing. 

The evening feels like how things used to be. A family night. The young boys running around, full of energy. Noah and Charity throwing around light-hearted insults at each other. There’s plenty of laughter over pizza and some bad TV.

Charity is still smiling with they come back downstairs from putting the boys to bed. Noah had left earlier claiming he had an assignment he had been putting off. She’s surprised when Charity pulls her into a hug. She melts into it.

“Thank you so much,” she whispers into Vanessa’s ear.

The hug goes on a bit longer than is appropriate, but she doesn’t care.

Charity is the first one to step away and the way she looks at Vanessa is the way she used to. Like Vanessa is the only one who exists in her world. But then the moment  is broken when she looks down and steps away, “I forgot about everything for a bit there. It was like things used to be wasn’t it?” she sits on the sofa with a contented sigh.

Vanessa sits beside her, “It was,” she turns to face Charity. “It was nice to see you smile. You don’t do it often anymore.”

Charity’s face turns serious, “Not a whole lot to smile about is there.”

“I figured being out of prison would be enough to smile about,” Vanessa points out.

Charity scoffs, “Being inside was easy. Out here everything I lost is in my face.”

“Why come back to the village then?”

Charity looks at her with sad eyes, “I don’t know. I need to be able to see it.”

Vanessa frowns, “See what?”

“What I lost,” a tear slides down her cheek. “I had everything I could have asked for. And  just ,” she fades off not finishing her thought.

“So you’re punishing yourself by coming back.”

Charity nods, “I stared at the same walls a year and a half. I didn’t let anyone see me because I didn’t deserve it. And now that I’m out. Seeing you, Johnny, Moses, Noah, and Debbie, all living your lives without me is what I deserve. Karma for all the shitty things I did in my life I reckon.”

“Charity,” Vanessa starts but  is stopped by Charity standing.

“I have to get up early so I’m off to bed,” she sprints up the stairs. 

Vanessa can only watch  helplessly . 


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning when Vanessa wakes up she smells cooking. Which is unusual because usually if there’s cooking, she’s the one doing it. She’s not surprised when the boys aren’t in their beds. When she peeks into Charity’s room the bed is made and the rooms empty.

She showers and dresses. Charity and the boys are at the table giggling over something. And Tracy is on the couch watching them with an amused expression.

“Your breakfast is on the counter,” Charity points to the plate.

“Oh wow. What’s the special occasion?” she asks seeing the full plate.

Charity shrugs, “My way of saying thank you.”

“That’s not necessary, but I’m not going to complain.” She’s drawn into the silly game Charity and the boys are playing. Her sides are sore from laughing by the time Charity leaves to take the boys to school.

“I haven’t seen you smile like that in a long time,” Tracy comments as she moves to the table to help Vanessa clean up. “I know it's hard for you.”

Vanessa sighs, “It is. But Charity needs us right now. There’s something going on with her.”

“What do you mean?”

Vanessa shakes her head, “I don’t feel right talking about it with you.”

“OK. Just promise me you’ll protect yourself. She nearly broke you before. Don’t let that happen again.”

Vanessa accepts the hug she’s given, already knowing she’s in deep.

It's after dark by the time Vanessa makes it home. A sick herd of sheep had kept her busy all day. Tracy and Charity had taken care of Johnny. He should have been in bed for a couple of hours now. The house is dark when she opens the door. She’s done this enough times to be able to navigate to the stairs in the dark.

“Were you a hero today?” Charity’s voice sounds from the dark.

Her hand over her mouth is the only thing that keeps Vanessa from screaming, “Jesus Charity. Why the hell are you sitting in the dark?” She has to lean against the wall to gather herself.

“I couldn’t sleep,” is all Charity says.

Vanessa moves around the sofa and drops down beside Charity, “Want to talk about it?”

“No, I don’t. Did you eat?” Charity changes the subject. “We had pizza, there’s some left.”

The mention of pizza makes Vanessa’s stomach growl.

“I'll take that as a yes,” Charity laughs and stands. She flips on a light causing them both to wince at the brightness. Vanessa watches her as she moves around the kitchen. She’s wearing pajamas and her hair is messy from tossing and turning on the bed. Vanessa can’t help but smile at how beautiful she is.

“What are you smiling about?” Charity asks and she turns and leans against the counter waiting for the pizza to heat.

Vanessa shakes her head, “Nothing. How was your day?” Charity starts complaining about Chas and Marlon. She finds herself enraptured in the animated story. They talk while Vanessa eats and it once again feels like old times.

* * *

Vanessa mindlessly walks in the door nearly colliding with Charity. She is standing shirtless behind the sofa.

“Uh, hi,” Charity says with a chuckle.

Vanessa’s first thought is Charity has someone there. Her eyes dart to the stairs expecting someone to be coming down them.

Charity follows her gaze, “I was just changing my shirt. I had an unfortunate accident with a bowl of soup.” Charity meets her eyes and smirks, “You thought I had someone hear.”

Vanessa sighs, “Maybe I did,” before she can stop herself self she feels her eyes gliding over Charity. She had always wanted to take in all of Charity she could when she was undressed like this. It's only when her eyes make it to Charity’s face she realizes she’s being watched.

Vanessa’s eyes widen in horror, “I am so sorry.”

Charity smirks and quirks an eyebrow, “Good to know I’ve still got it.”

Vanessa blushes and starts fiddling with the strap of her bag.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone to come home,” Charity explains while putting on her shirt. Vanessa is both relieved and disappointed.

“I left some papers here. Paddy was complaining.”

“You can stop fidgeting now. I’m dressed,” Charity is still smirking when Vanessa looks up.

“Stop making fun of me,” Vanessa barely keeps herself from stomping her foot like a child.

“No, it's too much fun. I had forgotten how easy you are to rile up.”

Vanessa sighs. Only Charity has this effect on her. The ability to annoy her and turn her on in the same instant.

“If it really upsets you that much, I’ll stop,” Charity says into the silence.

“You don’t have to,” Vanessa says quietly.

Charity smiles, “Good to know.”

* * *

“Do you realize you stare at her constantly?” Vanessa startles at Tracy’s words.

“I do not,” Vanessa defends herself.

“You do,” Rhona says unhelpfully.

Vanessa knows it's true but she will never admit it. Charity is working the bar today in tight black pants and a low cut red shirt. She feels guilty staring because Charity has been in a dark mood for the last several days.

She’s been spending most of her time in her room alone. And Vanessa is sure she’s heard the sound of crying through the closed door on more than one occasion. She had paused outside the door each time poised to knock but chickened out every time.

Charity was even more skittish than before. Vanessa is not willing to risk Charity shutting down and disappearing again. When Charity was happy it was like no time had passed between them. Charity had even returned to flirting with her. And it never failed to make her blush furiously.

“Oh my God, change seats with me,” she jumps at Tracy’s exasperated words.

“What? Why?” Vanessa looks around confused.

Tracy stands and practically pulls her out of her seat. “Because you won’t be able to see Charity and will actually be able to eat."

Vanessa glances down at the table and notices the two empty plates and hers that has over half of the food still on it. She sheepishly pulls her plate in front of her and starts eating. It takes all of her willpower to not turn around any time she hears Charity's voice.

The next day, for the first time in what feels like months Vanessa doesn’t have any call-outs. And she’s completely alone in the house, which almost never happens. And it's still hours before anyone is due home.

She makes herself an easy meal and pours herself some wine. She gets comfortable on the couch before finding something to watch while she eats.

When she’s finished eating she starts flipping through the channels. She finds an old movie she’s always enjoyed. As the movie continues a very steamy scene she had forgotten about comes on. She’s always been indifferent about masturbation. But the breathy moans filling the room has her slipping her hand into her pajama pants.

But as is usually the case her mind starts to fill with images of green eyes and blonde hair. Images of Charity looking up at her from between her thighs. Bringing her pleasure she had only ever dreamed about before Charity came along.

She can’t hold back a moan as she imagines Charity leaning over her. Whispering sinful things in her ear as her hand thrusts between her thighs.

A sound makes her open her eyes and she meets Charity’s. A very familiar heated gaze holds Vanessa captive. She’s not sure why but she doesn’t stop the hand moving between her legs.

Charity tosses her keys and bag on the chair and moves behind the couch. Vanessa shivers as Charity runs a hand along Vanessa’s working arm until her hand is in her panties over her own.

She moves her hand and spreads her legs wider in offering to Charity.

Charity wastes no time in taking over, “I heard you moan my name,” she dips inside of Vanessa. “Is this all for me?”

Vanessa sighs and thrusts her hips, “Always.”

Charity tilt’s Vanessa’s head back with her free hand and kisses her deeply. Vanessa completely loses herself in Charity. The smell of her perfume and the hair draped across their faces. Much too soon Vanessa comes.

Charity works her through it, kissing her lips neck. But the kisses heat up and Charity is working her toward another equally as powerful orgasm. She’s still catching her breath when they hear a key in the door. Charity grabs her stuff and runs up the stairs. Vanessa has barely gotten herself put back together when her dad walks in with a smiling Johnny.

The next morning she hears Johnny and Charity laughing together. By the time she’s gotten dressed and done her morning routine, it's only Johnny and Tracy in the kitchen.

“What’s with Charity? She couldn’t seem to get out of here fast enough,” Tracy points out.

Vanessa sighs, “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to her,” which isn’t a lie.

As she’s walking to the cafe she sees Charity sitting in front at one of the small tables. She looks lost in thought. But when she sees Vanessa walking toward her, a look of almost fear flashes across her face and she jumps up.

“Charity, stop,” Vanessa tries as she watches Charity speed walk away.

“What was that about?” Rhona asks as she steps up beside Vanessa.

Vanessa avoids eye contact and hurries into the building, “Nothing.”

She can feel Rhona accessing her, “What’s happened?”

“Nothing’s happened. What do you want? I’m buying,” Vanessa changes the subject. She can tell Rhona wants to argue, but she doesn’t.

She’s going over the files of a Golden Retriever she had just treated when Tracy walks into the vets. “What are you doing here?” the huge smile on Tracy’s face tells her it’s nothing bad.

“I got you a date,” Tracy claps her hands together excitedly.

“Why would you do that?”

Tracy sighs but doesn’t lose her smile, “Because I’m tired of seeing you pining over Charity. That ships sailed, you need to find someone V.”

Vanessa opens her mouth to speak, but Tracy has already started her tangent, arguing her case. After much arguing she convinces Tracy she will consider it. Even though it's the last thing in the world she wants to do. Particularly after the night before.

Vanessa doesn’t see Charity for two days. She doesn’t come home till Vanessa is already asleep and leaves super early before Vanessa even wakes up. And when Vanessa shows up at the Woolpack, Charity finds something to do in the back.

On the third day, Vanessa stays up and is sitting on the couch when Charity walks in the door well after midnight. She stands frozen when she sees Vanessa on the couch.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Vanessa speaks first.

Charity sighs and Vanessa smiles when she flops down onto the sofa with a huff. It reminds her so much of Noah.

“What’s going on?” Vanessa gets right to it.

Charity doesn’t say anything. She stares ahead.

“Charity, please. I thought we were doing well,” she puts a hand on Charity’s leg. “Please don’t shut me out.”

Charity stares at the hand on her leg and says something but Vanessa can’t hear.

“What?”

Charity finally raises her head and looks at Vanessa, “I said I took advantage.”

Vanessa frowns, “Took advantage of what?”

“Of you. I had no right to touch you the way I did.”

“You think I didn’t want you to touch me,” Vanessa is genuinely confused. “You have never taken advantage of me in any way.”

Charity sighs, “I’m staying in your house. Then I came in here and I practically attacked you on the couch when you were having a private moment.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I was a completely willing participant in what happened.”

Charity stands, “You need to find someone.”

The comment throws Vanessa off, “What does that mean?”

“If you find someone you can forget about me. Move on with your life. I’m going to move out. You have to be able to move on.”

Vanessa’s not even sure Charity is talking to her anymore or just thinking out loud, “You don’t have anywhere to go.”

“It doesn’t matter,” are Charity’s last words as she rushes upstairs. Not even half an hour later she’s carrying her belongings down the stairs and out the door. Vanessa watches silently.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are very very brief mentions of self-harm in this chapter. So if you are sensitive to that please proceed with caution.

It’s been days and the only contact with Charity she’s had is a text asking to see Johnny. She had let her of course but had been upset when Charity had sent Noah to get him. The only glimpse she’s seen of Charity is outside of the pub. But as much as Vanessa wants to demand Charity talk to her, she knows Charity won’t respond well to it.

“This is your last chance to agree to a date with Sharon,” Tracy says as she walks through the door. “You blew her off once but she’s willing to give you another shot.”

“How nice of her,” Vanessa makes sure the sarcasm is very evident in her tone. The look Tracy gives her tells her she succeeded.

“Please V,” Tracy sits beside her and takes her hand. “It doesn’t have to mean anything. I just want you to let this Charity thing go.”

Vanessa opens her mouth to argue.

“No, You’ve been weird ever since she’s been back.”

Vanessa can’t argue with that. She fights with herself on whether to share what happened between them but decides to keep it to herself. It’s obvious Charity isn’t going to let Vanessa in anytime soon, “Fine. But I had rather it be a double date like before.”

“Of course,” Tracy does a modified happy dance in her seat. “I think you’ll really like her.”

She barely listens as Tracy proceeds to list all of Sharon’s best qualities. All Vanessa can think about is Charity’s broken face when she had walked out of the house.

Two nights later it’s time for the date night. She puts a bit of effort into getting dressed, but her heart's not really in it. Of course, she’s outvoted on where to meet and they end up at the Woolpack.

The pub is crowded. Both Charity and Chas are behind the bar. The others are already there sitting in a booth. Tracy waves happily when she sees her. She’s sitting across from a well-dressed brunette who stands when Vanessa reaches the table.

Sharon is tall. Her makeup and hair are immaculate and her teeth perfect and white. She should be perfect but Vanessa feels nothing and just wants to talk to Charity who’s standing at the bar.

Adding to her good looks Sharon is funny and easy to talk to. Vanessa is genuinely enjoying herself and she’s succeeding in keeping her attention on the people in the booth and not Charity.

When the night is wrapping up she’s left alone with Sharon.

“I really enjoyed myself. But I don’t think we’ll be seeing each other again will we?” Sharon says as she puts on her jacket.

“Why do you say that?” Vanessa asks.

Sharon pointedly looks in Charity’s direction, “When you weren’t looking at her she was looking at you.”

Vanessa blushes and sighs, “I thought I was doing so well.”

“You weren’t rude or anything. But there’s obviously something there and I’m not going to get the middle of it.”

“I really did enjoy myself and if it were any other time,” Vanessa shrugs.

Sharon hums thoughtfully, “Timing is everything. I hope everything works out the way you want it to,” Sharon hugs her and kisses her cheek, and then she’s gone.

“Hey, where did Sharon go?” Tracy asks when coming back from the toilets.

“She left. We aren’t going to be seeing each other again.”

Tracy sighs, “She probably noticed you staring at your ex. The ex who abandoned you by being sent to prison.”

“Don’t. My love for Charity hasn’t changed. We’re dealing with things. Please just lay off, OK.”

Tracy holds up her hands, “Fine. But she’s just going to keep breaking your heart.”

Vanessa catches sight of Charity over Tracy’s shoulder. She takes a shot of something, seemingly unbothered by the customers still lingering. She had already seen her down two or three drinks before.

She has to get Johnny from her dad so she reluctantly leaves without saying anything to Charity.

She jerks awake at the sound of her phone ringing. She’s not on call and she squints at the clock on her nightstand, it's just after 3am.

“H’lo?”

“Vanessa. It’s Chas.”

She sets up in the bed, “Chas? What’s wrong? Is it the baby?”

“No, no I’m fine. It’s Charity.”

“What’s going on? Is she OK?”

“No. She’s in a really bad way. She’s off her face drunk. She’s belligerent and muttering to herself. I can’t even understand what she’s saying but I’ve heard your name.”

“I don’t,” Vanessa starts.

“She’s holding a piece of glass. She’s already bleeding. Please, she’s not listening to me. I’m desperate.”

Vanessa is already up and in her shoes, “I’m on my way.”

She quickly wakes up Tracy to explain what’s happening. And then she rushes to the Woolpack. Chas opens the door and she looks exhausted and worried, “I didn’t know what else to do.”

“It’s OK. I don’t know if she’ll listen to me but I’ll try.”

She walks further into the room and sees Charity immediately. She’s at the table slouched in her chair. She’s obviously been there a while. There are several empty bottles in front of her. The one closest to her is broken and there is blood on her hand where she’s holding a large piece carelessly. Her heart sinks as she sees a large cut on her other arm that looks purposely done. As she approaches the table Charity randomly laughs to herself. She doesn’t seem to have noticed Vanessa.

After watching her for several minutes Vanessa finally finds the courage to speak, “Looks like you’ve been busy.”

Charity jumps, her head snapping toward Vanessa, “Hey.” She looks at the table, “I’ve been here for a while,” her words are barely recognizable.

“You’ve hurt yourself,” Vanessa sits in the chair across the table.

“Yes,” is all Charity says.

“Did you do it on purpose?” Vanessa starts to clean up the broken bottle moving the pieces as far from Charity’s reach as she can. But Charity still has the piece in her hand, “Will you hand me that? I just don’t want you to hurt yourself again.”

Charity looks at the piece of glass with unfocused eyes and drops it on the table, “I’m tired of hurting,” she pushes her messy hair out of her face leaving behind a trail of blood. “I’m tired of hurting people. But I think I’m broken,” she nods to herself.

Vanessa quickly moves the pieces of glass away, “What’s happened to upset you?”

Charity laughs, “Life. It’s just one disappointment after another innit?”

Vanessa stays silent, hoping Charity will continue. Eventually, she does and the words surprise Vanessa.

“I love you so much,” her words seem clearer now. “From the very start I knew I was going to ruin it,” she sighs. “But the longer we were together the more hope I had, that I had changed. Maybe I was better.”

She goes quiet and Vanessa begins to think she’s not going to continue. But finally, Charity takes a deep breath.

“But as soon as things got a bit hard I fucked everything up,” she laughs humorously. “It took me only a couple of months to destroy everything we had,” she rubs her eyes roughly. “I don’t even know what I’m saying.”

“Looks like you’re fading pretty quickly there,” Charity actually looks adorable rubbing her eyes like a sleepy child. “You need to wash up.”

Charity stands up but quickly loses her balance. Vanessa barely reaches her in time to keep her from falling. Charity has to lean heavily against Vanessa to stay standing. They noisily make their way up the stairs.

“You can put her in there,” Chas pokes her head out of her bedroom. “There’s a sofa and I put some blankets in there.”

Charity stumbles past where they are supposed to be going and hugs Chas, “I’m sorry,” Vanessa hears her whisper.

“I want a bath,” Charity says when Vanessa has her sitting on the toilet to clean her up.

“Can you manage without drowning?”

Charity chuckles and unceremoniously yanks her shirt over her head, “You can watch over me.”

Before Vanessa can even respond Charity is nude and sitting in the empty tub messing with the water. Vanessa bats at her hands and properly sets the water.

“Let me see your hand and arm,” she says once Charity has calmed down. Neither cut is pretty but not deep enough to need stitches. “Why did you do this?” she asks softly while stroking the cut on her arm.

Charity is leaning back with her eyes closed. She looks like she’s asleep, “I don’t know. I just did it.” She opens her eyes and looks at Vanessa for a long time, “Will you hold my hand?”

Vanessa kneels by the tub and wordlessly takes Charity's hand. Charity is leaning back with her eyes closed again. There are dark circles under her eyes that are magnified by the paleness of her face. It brings Vanessa back to when they were going through the Bails ordeal. Charity had been so strong. But in reality, she had been breaking apart.

Now Charity doesn’t even have the fake guise of strength and Vanessa doesn’t know how to help her, “You need to wash before you fall asleep.”

Charity opens one eye, “Will you wash my back?” She bounces her eyebrows up and down teasingly.

“No, you perv,” Vanessa pushes her arm. Vanessa does actually end up helping Charity with her back and to wash her hair. The sky has lightened into morning by the time Vanessa makes her way into Tug Gyll.

“I’ll get Johnny up and off. You get to sleep,” Tracy says from her door as Vanessa passes on her way to her room. She passes out face down on her bed.

* * *

It's noon and she’s barely awake when there’s a knock on the door, “It's open,” she yells not bothering to get off the sofa.

“It's me,” she’s surprised to hear Charity’s voice. Her eyes are puffy and Vanessa’s surprised to see Charity makeup-less. She’s carrying a coffee tray and a bag, “I knew you would be dragging so I thought I would try to help.”

“It smells amazing,” Vanessa does grabby hands causing Charity to laugh. Charity pulls two sandwiches out of the bag. “I’m surprised you’re even functioning after last night,” Vanessa points out.

Charity sighs, “I’m sorry you saw me like that. I feel ridiculous.”

“Charity you are far from ridiculous,” Vanessa tries to reassure her.

“No, I am,” Charity starts to eat her meal but talks between bites. “I keep having breakdowns around you.”

Vanessa starts to speak but Charity holds up a hand to stop her.

“No, let me finish. I’m going to try to actually have an adult conversation and not breakdown,” she rearranges herself. “I know I should leave and let everyone get on with their life. But I’ve done that to my kids too many times now,” she takes a deep breath and her leg starts to bounce nervously. “And I can’t not have you in my life. I’ve...” she stops talking suddenly and shakes her head.

When she starts to stand, Vanessa stops her with a hand on her arm, “Where are you going?”

“I thought I could get through it. But I can’t it's not fair,” Charity is pacing now.

“You’re not really making sense Charity,” Vanessa’s never seen Charity so agitated.

“I want us to be us again,” Charity spits out quickly. “I mean not immediately but eventually.”

Vanessa’s only slightly shocked, “You’re asking for another chance?”

Charity runs a hand through her hair, “I know I don’t deserve it. But I just really don’t think I can do it without you. And I know I’m being selfish yet again.”

Vanessa’s mind is spinning. Charity has stopped pacing and is staring at her expectantly. She looks vulnerable, more vulnerable than she’s ever seen her, “Please sit down.”

Charity shakes her head, “I don’t think I can.”

Vanessa smiles and pulls her down. Once Charity is sitting Vanessa starts talking, “You broke my heart. I was sure I was never going to recover. Actually you broke it twice. The scheming behind my back and then the,” she makes air quotes. “Letting me go.”

Charity closes her eyes and tears trail down her cheeks.

Vanessa’s heart aches for her and she wants to pull her into a hug, but she continues talking instead, “We’ve been through this time and time again. I know how you work, all I have wanted from you is for you to keep me in the loop. Because loving you means loving all sides of you, including the criminal. And I accepted that.” She had seen Charity’s eyes light up at the word love.

Vanessa takes a deep breath to center herself and then continues, “I love you just as much today as I always have Charity. I could never not love you. You’re in my soul. But,” she hates seeing Charity’s shoulders drop. “You’ve made it where I can’t trust you.”

Charity nods, crying harder now, “Losing you and Johnny from my life was worse than any prison sentence. And Moses and Noah. All I could think about while locked up was our full house. Noah on his phone ignoring everyone. Johnny and Moses running wild. All the dirty laundry and constant toys everywhere. My own Chaos,” she smiles. “And then you. Just this beautiful amazing calm in the middle of everything. I would just stare at you and try to figure out how I got so lucky,” Charity smiles. “That’s what kept me going,” she sighs and shakes her head. “I’m rambling.”

Vanessa had seen Charity staring at her often. She had always wondered what she was thinking. Being with Charity had been the best time of her life. She had never loved or been loved the way she was with Charity. The real question is how willing is she to put herself in a position for charity to break her heart again.

The Charity now is much different than she was before prison. Vanessa is sure of that. But how long will she stay around? Charity is obviously depressed even though she would never admit it to anyone. Or herself even.

“You need to see a therapist,” Vanessa says suddenly. “If you don’t get help we’re just going to be going in circles.”

Charity is looking at her intently, “You mean there’s a chance for us?” she grabs Vanessa’s hand. “I need to hear you say it. Please, if there’s even the smallest chance I need you to say it.”

Vanessa leans forward and kisses Charity lightly on the lips, “We’re going to have to fight for it. I’m not putting this all on you. Despite what you seem to think, I’m not perfect.”

Charity chuckles. Then she pulls out her phone. She fiddles with it for a few seconds and then shows the screen to Vanessa. Its the name of a doctor in her contacts, “I haven’t worked up the courage to call it yet. She’s a therapist. They suggested her when I was released..”

Vanessa watches as Charity taps the number and then proceeds to make an appointment. Her mind flashes back to the time after the Bail’s ordeal when she had suggested Charity get help and the meltdown it caused.

“Tomorrow afternoon,” she says after hanging up.

And with that single phone call, Vanessa knows that Charity is willing to fight for their relationship. And it gives her more hope for the future that she’s had in years.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if there are more mistakes than normal.

“It smells amazing in here,” Tracy says upon entering the house. “What’s the special occasion?”

Vanessa is hesitant to tell her the truth which is she and Charity are going to have a date. Its been three months since Charity had proven herself by making an appointment with a therapist. They have been taking things slow. And they haven’t told anyone they are working their way back to each other.

Tonight is a big step. They are having a date. They’ve done several family meals with the kids but this one is just for them. Charity has been amazing lately and wonderfully open with her emotions.

“I’m taking some food to a friend,” Vanessa answers Tracy’s question.

“Like a romantic type friend?”

She can hear the excitement in Tracy’s voice, “Possibly,” she answers honestly.

“Why isn’t she coming here? What are you doing with Johnny?”

“She just got a new place and she wants me to see it. And dad has Johnny for the night.”

Charity had been excited because she had been able to get a small flat in Hotten. It's a small studio above a cafe. Charity had been nervous when she had asked Vanessa to have dinner with her. It was cute how she had emphasized the alone part.

Vanessa had eagerly agreed. They had decided Vanessa would cook and bring the food because Charity barely has a kitchen. Vanessa is ridiculously excited and also a bit nervous. She had gone all out and bought an all-new outfit. She had felt presumptuous when she had bought new underwear as well. But she was ready to move their relationship to the next level. And she knew from the way Charity had been looking at her, she was as well.

She dodges Tracy’s endless questions as she finishes up the meal. She takes her time getting dressed. Flattered when Tracy gives her approval.

She’s trying not to have any expectations. She’s been spending more time with Charity. It's both familiar and completely new. Everything that she’s always loved about Charity is still there. But where before Vanessa felt a lot of the time Charity wasn’t completely listening to her. There’s an attentiveness that wasn’t there before. Sometimes before Charity seemed aloof and made Vanessa feel unwanted or unheard.

Now Charity is much different. Listening intently to everything she has to say. Even when she’s simply telling Charity about some small thing that happened at work, Charity shows interest.

The building Charity’s directions take her to is nicer than she was expecting. There are people everywhere, inside and out. Charity had warned her about the number of stairs but as she enters the side entrance her stomach drops.

After what feels like at least twenty minutes later she’s finally at the door. She hasn’t knocked, taking time to catch her breath. Before she’s ready though, the door opens.

“What the hell Ness? Why didn’t you call me? I would have helped you?” she takes the bags from Vanessa.

“Didn’t think about it,” Vanessa gets out through panting.

“Usually we end our dates with you sweaty and panting. Not start them,” Charity chuckles at her own joke.

“Ha. Ha,” Vanessa rolls her eyes. Now that she has herself more under control she starts to take in her surroundings. The flat is bright in the evening sun. The biggest wall has three large windows and those are the only ones in the small space. But the bright white paint helps with the brightness. Charity wasn’t joking when she said the kitchen was tiny. It has the basics and barely any counter space. The rest of the room is filled with a wardrobe, a queen bed, a couch, and a small dining table with two chairs.

“It’s tiny, I know,” Charity says and Vanessa realizes shes’ been watching her.

“No. It's lovely. I love how bright it is in here.”

“It's not horrible I guess,” Charity shrugs. “You look stunning by the way.”

While Vanessa was daydreaming Charity has set out all the food with a bottle of wine. She pulls one of the chairs out with a flourish.

They share small talk while they eat. She tells Charity about her busy day of work and Charity tells her about her latest appointment with her therapist. Which much to both of their surprise Charity genuinely likes the woman and in turn her therapy.

“Shall we move to the sofa?” Charity asks once both of their plates are clean.

Vanessa sits first and Charity sits close beside her, “That was great. Thank you for cooking.”

“It was my pleasure,” Vanessa is suddenly nervous and she’s not really sure why. This used to be the moment in the day she looked forward to most. When it was just her and Charity alone. More often than not they would end up in some state of undress. And she wanted that now as well but was too nervous to instigate anything. Despite what had already happened in her living room months before.

“Nothing has to happen Ness. I know we said we’re on a date and how our dates usually end,” Charity puts a comforting hand on her thigh. “But I just want to sit here and be close to you. I don’t expect any more than that.”

Vanessa laughs lightly, “I’m not sure why I’m nervous,” she puts a hand on Charity’s. “I wasn’t even this nervous when we barely knew each other.”

“I think the history we have now makes everything heavier. After losing each other we’ve actually found our way back to one another.”

“When did you become so clever?” Vanessa pushes a stray bit of hair behind Charity’s ear.

“What do you mean? I’ve always been clever.”

It’s Charity’s calm and assured smile that finally does it. Vanessa tilts Charity’s face toward her and kisses her slowly.

Vanessa has read her fair share of romance novels and had always rolled her eyes at people writing about a kiss feeling like home. But she gets it now. The kiss is so familiar and so amazing. She moans and straddles Charity’s lap, having to be closer.

Charity’s hands go straight to her bottom as they do every time, encouraging her and keeping her steady at the same time. Vanessa begrudgingly breaks the kiss to catch her breath, “I have missed this so much,” she pants placing kisses on Charity’s neck and chest where her shirt allows.

Charity hums her agreement and works her hands under Vanessa’s top.

When Vanessa moves back to Charity’s lips she feels wetness, she pulls away and sees Charity is crying, “What’s this?” She wipes away the tears.

“Nothing,” Charity tries to kiss her again.

Vanessa keeps her at arm's length, “Let me in Charity.”

Charity sighs but instead of pushing her away like Vanessa expects she pulls her closer, putting her cheek against Vanessa’s chest, “I had resigned myself to never having this again. I’m a little overwhelmed.”

Vanessa can't help but smile, “I like this new vulnerable Charity,” she says pulling Charity’s hands to her chest and looking her straight in the eyes. “You have to make me a promise. OK?”

Charity looks nervous but nods.

“Stop blaming yourself. You’ve proven yourself to me. Now we move forward.”

Fresh tears fall down her cheeks but Charity smiles.

* * *

Unfamiliar noises rouse Vanessa from sleep. She squints at the bright sun coming through the windows. She’s not sure where she is for several seconds until she feels the bed shift beside her and the night floods back to her.

They had spent at least an hour just kissing on the couch. Then they had fallen into bed and it was like no time had passed between them. They had been completely in tune with each other and it had been intense.

“What are you thinking about so hard?” Charity’s voice is sleep roughened and she molds herself to Vanessa’s back, her hand spread across her stomach.

“Just having some lovely flashbacks from last night,” Vanessa reaches behind her pulling Charity's leg over her own.

Charity practically purrs, “We’ve always been so good at that.” She starts placing kisses along Vanessa’s neck and shoulders.

“I can’t,” she says before Charity can get carried away. “I have to get work. I can tell I’m already late.”

Charity sighs dramatically, “Spoilsport,” she rolls away from Vanessa and stands. Vanessa turns expecting to find Charity brooding but she’s smiling and pulling on her robe, “I’ll make you a brew for the road.”

“I have an overnight bag in my car,” Vanessa admits.

Charity smiles, “That was a bit presumptuous babe.”

Vanessa flashes her own smirk, “I know how easy you are.”

Charity barks out a surprised laugh and shrugs, “When it comes to you. You aren’t wrong.” She stalks over to Vanessa and kisses her, lingering for several minutes, “Go ahead and jump in the shower. I’ll grab your bag. The water takes a bit to warm.”

She watches Charity pull on last night's clothes and starts piddling in the kitchen. Charity smiles and gives her a wink before walking out the door. Vanessa misses her instantly.

Reluctantly she gets out of bed and hurry’s across the cool floor to the tiny bathroom. It consists of the smallest stand-alone shower she’s ever seen, a toilet, and a small sink with a mirror. She turns on the water to let it warm and sits on the toilet to answer texts from Rhona, Tracy, and her father.

She’s just stepped in the stall when Charity walks in without knocking, “I would join you but we would probably get stuck and suffocate in there.”

“It is claustrophobic in here.”

“My butt touches the door when I’m in there. Scares me every time.”

Vanessa laughs picturing Charity yelping at the cold door, “It really is a nice place though. Very you,” she opens the door and steps out. Charity is waiting for her with a fluffy towel.

“It's nice to have a place that’s mine again,” she says while briskly rubbing Vanessa dry. “Your bag is on the bed.”

Charity shamelessly watches her dress from the couch. It makes her feel sexy in a way only Charity ever has. After she slips on her boots Charity is standing in front of her with a travel mug and her keys. Vanessa doesn’t want to leave but knows she has to.

“I’m working the late shift tonight. Maybe bring Johnny by for his tea?”

“We’ll see you then,” they share one last lingering kiss, and then she leaves.

Later that day she’s cornered by Tracy outside the cafe, “So, you finally get some?” Tracy asks with a knowing smirk.

Vanessa can’t hide her smile.

Tracy lets out an excited squeal causing the few people out walking to look in their direction, “See I told you getting over Charity was the right thing to do.”

“Yep,” is all Vanessa says.  
  


“When do I get to meet her?”

Vanessa shrugs, “She’s really busy, but soon maybe,” the lie seems to appease her for the moment.

A few hours later Vanessa is following an excited Johnny into the pub. He’s carefully holding a drawing he had done for Charity.

She’s wiping down a table as they walk in. Johnny practically sprints the remaining distance to her. Charity’s face lights up at the sight of him. She kneels and takes the paper while wrapping her free arm around him protectively.

They are having a conversation but Vanessa can’t hear any of the words.

“I don’t understand why you let that happen,” Megan says from behind her. “You’re just setting him up for disappointment when she finds some rich guys kids to replace him with.”

Vanessa has to clench her teeth to keep from lashing out. She watches as Charity picks up Johnny and takes him behind the bar and lets him hang the picture on the wall. She can’t even be upset when she gives Johnny a bag of crisps when he’s about to have his tea. He’s already happily munching on them when he walks back to her. She wants to admonish him, but he gives her a cheeky grin very similar to Charity’s and offers her one of his crisps.

Megan and her dad invite themselves to sit with her and she can’t very well tell them to fuck off. Charity doesn’t seem to mind though coming over to get their order.

Before their food arrives Tracy walks in and plops herself in the booth with Vanessa, “Has Vanessa told you the good news yet?” she asks very obviously waiting for Charity to be in hearing distance.

All eyes turn to her. Charity quirks an eyebrow.

“She’s met someone and spent the night with them,” Tracy says triumphantly before she can say anything.

“Oh, gone back to blokes have you?” Charity asks, her face serious.

Vanessa narrows her eyes at Charity, “Yeah. I missed all the hairy chest and bad sex.”

Charity laughs loudly drawing the attention of other customers.

Her family is looking at them strangely.

“No. She’s a wonderful woman I’m very lucky to have in my life,” Vanessa says meaning it.

“Oh yeah, is she hot?” Charity asks. “Might have a go at her myself.”

Vanessa shakes her head, “Nah. All her qualities are internal. She looks a bit like Rosie O’ Donnell,” she shrugs. “But what can you do?”

Charity actually seems insulted until she remembers they’re just playing.

“What is happening here?” Tracy’s face is the epitome of confusion.

“She really looks like Rosie?”

Vanessa tries to keep a straight face, “Yeah. Is there something wrong with that?” she looks at her dad.

“Uh no, of course not sweetheart.”

Charity laughs heartily and moves on to another table. She keeps everyone on their toes through the rest of the meal by creating a horrible sounding “girlfriend”.

She’s just put Johnny to bed when her phone rings. Charity’s name pops up on the screen, “Hey!” she says excitedly.

“I just saw you and I already miss you.”

“Yeah, I know exactly what you mean,” her chest warms with the sound of Charity’s voice. “We should really tell people we’re back together. As fun as it was to mess with everyone. I want to be able to touch you in public.”

“Kinky,” Charity teases and then laughs. “No, seriously. If you’re ready to tell everyone you’re an idiot for taking me back then I’m game.”

“Charity,” she sighs.

“I’m just joking babe. I’m ready for everyone to know. Maybe I’ll stop getting dirty looks,” she pauses for a second. “Yeah, probably not.”

“When should we do it?” Vanessa is filled with excitement.

“I have therapy tomorrow so how about the day after. My family is having a get together at the pub. Maybe we can get yours there and kill two birds with one stone.”

“That sounds perfect,” they make more concrete pans and hang up.

The next day passes quickly. She doesn’t get to see Charity but they text constantly to the point of Vanessa being called out on it several times by an annoyed Rhona. She has already invited Rhona to the reveal. It's not till later at the cafe she gets to ask the others.

“Do you want to meet her tomorrow?”

“Rosie?” somehow Tracy has decided that’s actually her fake girlfriend's name.

“Yeah. In the pub.”

Everyone agrees and seems very excited. She’s not so sure they’ll be so excited with they know the truth.

Before she knows it, it's time to tell everyone. The day had passed quickly. She’s not as nervous as she expected. She doesn’t really care how her family reacts, it will make no difference. She’s so sure in her decision to be with Charity again nothing is going to sway her.

They have a ways to go before they get back where they were before, but she doesn’t doubt they will. There’s already a difference in her feelings this time around. She feels she’s able to depend on Charity more. She feels they are on more even footing this time around. Whereas before, it felt like she was sometimes the only one invested in the longevity of their relationship. Now there is no doubt Charity is completely in, in every sense of the word.

She’s excited at the thought of seeing Charity. It's only been a day and a half but she’s missed her.

“I don’t understand all the mystery,” Tracy says as they walk toward the pub.

Vanessa ignores her and focuses on Johnny who is stomping through the puddles from the earlier rain. He’s smiling and keeps looking at her. It's a habit that Charity had taught him and now he does it anytime it rains.

The pub is noisy when they walk in. The Dingles have pulled some tables together and are obviously already several pints into their celebration. She doesn’t see Charity. Bob and Matty are behind the bar.

They’ve been there for twenty minutes and still no sign of Charity. She’s not too worried because she talked to Charity a couple of hours before, everything had been fine.

Another twenty minutes pass and Vanessa decides to text her.

“So where is she?” Tracy asks her.

“I don’t know,” Vanessa answers truthfully. Even though Tracy is talking about someone else.

More minutes pass and Vanessa is completely ignoring everything going on around her. She’s focused on her silent phone. She had tried calling her and texting and no response. She had heard a couple of the Dingles complaining about Charity being a no show.

Charity had been so excited that the Dingles had invited her to join them. They had been slowly including her in more family things. Welcoming her back in the fold.

She loses track of the minutes passing but finally, the door opens and Charity walks through.

She’s the first to notice her and jumps up, nearly knocking down Paddy who is walking by the table.

Charity has a black eye, a bandage on her head, and a splint on her wrist, “I’m fine. It looks worse than it actually is,” Charity placates before Vanessa says anything.

“What happened?” Vanessa can’t help running her hand over Charity looking for any other injuries.

“Got into a small wreck. Some bitch on her phone ran up the back of me. Oh speaking of phones, I lost mine along the way. When they took me to ED I guess.”

“I was getting really worried,” Vanessa pulls her into a soft kiss, briefly forgetting where they’re standing.

“Um, V?” Tracy talks from behind them. “What’s going on here?”

Vanessa turns and puts an arm around Charity’s waist, “We’re together again,” she explains simply.

“You can’t be serious,” her dad decides to join in. “After everything, she’s put you through?”

“We are working through it. But it's my choice and I choose Charity.”

“You’re back together?” Noah’s excited voice fills the room. He rushes forward but his excitement dims when he sees the state of Charity.

“I’m OK. And yes we’re back together,” his smile returns lighting up his whole face. And then he surprises them both by pulling them into a hug. And then he simply wanders off. They watch him bemusedly.

“Vanessa. I can’t let you do this,” her dad says, real worry in his voice. “You don’t owe her anything. She’s just manipulating you. And your falling for it,” Tracy is standing behind him nodding.

She feels Charity stiffen beside her. She grabs her hand and squeezes, “You don’t have any say in the matter. I love Charity and we’re together. You’re just going to have to deal with it.”

Her dad scoffs but Vanessa turns her back to him, focusing on Charity.

She’s about to talk but is interrupted by Johnny’s little voice, “Charity’s hurt?” He’s looking up at her with worried eyes.

Charity kneels down, “I’m fine. It’s just some bumps and bruises,” she tickles his stomach. “See? I can still do that.”

Vanessa had caught the grimace that had come with Charity’s movements, meaning she’s probably more hurt than she’s letting on. “How about we all go to my place and watch a movie huh,” she offers.

Johnny’s eyes light up, “Yes!,” he throws his fist in the air.

“Would you like to join us, Noah?” Charity asks Noah who is standing close by again. His face lights up the same as Johnny’s.

Chas stops them before they reach the door, “You’re going to tell me how you managed to pull this off,” she pulls Charity into a gentle hug. “I’m happy for you kid.”

Debbie and Lisa also take time to congratulate her as well and Charity is still beaming by the time they reach Tug Gyll.

They watch two movies and Charity falls asleep in the middle of the second one, with her head on Vanessa’s shoulder. Noah surprises her by offering to clean up the remnants of their snacks and keeping Johnny busy while she gets Charity in bed.

It takes a bit to get Charity awake enough to make it upstairs but she finally does and when they reach the room she flops on the bed and kicks off her boots.

“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” Charity finally speaks, her voice soft.

“You’ve had an adventurous day. How are you really?” Vanessa prompts.

“Sore and tired,” she turns on her side facing away from Vanessa. “Lay with me a bit.”

Vanessa smiles. Charity is always a little bit needier when she’s exhausted. She stretches out along Charity’s back. She puts her head on Charity’s. She knows Charity will be asleep in seconds.

Charity snuggles back into her even further, “I love you,” she mumbles, and then Vanessa feels her breath even out into sleep.

Vanessa stays where she is. Simply enjoying being this close to Charity.

THE END


End file.
